You’re the girl who does everything for everyone else. 

Do you find yourself frequently putting the needs and wants of others before your own? People pleasing is a common behavior that many people are guilty of. It involves going out of our way to make sure everyone around us is happy and content.

It shows up by saying yes to requests even if it inconveniences us, avoiding conflict, or making sure that our behavior is in line with what we think others want us to do. 

At its core, people pleasing  is rooted in our need to be liked and accepted by those around us. We want to make sure that we fit in and that others view us in a positive light. Those who have experienced neglect, abandonment, or abuse may be more likely to fall into the people pleasing trap. It’s a way to protect themselves and to seek out validation and acceptance from others. It’s also a way to gain a sense of control in an otherwise chaotic or unpredictable environment.

 Unfortunately, this behavior can have detrimental effects on our mental, emotional and physical aspects of our life and can make a health journey very difficult, constantly feeling guilty for taking the time for yourself.

The effects of people pleasing can range from feeling drained and exhausted, to developing chronic stress and anxiety. When we constantly put others’ needs and wants before our own, we can quickly become overwhelmed and resentful. We can also begin to lose sight of our own values and goals, and our sense of identity can become blurred. 

So how can we change our people pleasing behavior? 

Healing from people-pleasing requires a combination of self-awareness, self-compassion, and intentional action. Here are some steps you can take to begin the healing process:

1. Recognize the pattern: The first step in healing from people-pleasing is to recognize the pattern in your behavior. This may involve reflecting on past experiences where you put others’ needs before your own, or examining your current relationships and interactions to see where you might be sacrificing your own needs.

2. Identify your needs and values: Once you have identified the pattern of people-pleasing, it is important to become clear on your own needs and values. This may involve taking time to reflect on what is important to you and what you need in order to feel fulfilled and happy.

3. Practice saying “no”: Saying “no” is an important part of setting boundaries and prioritizing your own needs. Practice saying “no” to small requests and gradually work up to saying “no” to bigger requests or commitments. If “no” is a challenge, find another way to respond like, “I am up to my limit right now, I’d love to circle back to this at another time.”

4. Learn to tolerate discomfort: People-pleasers often avoid conflict or uncomfortable emotions by prioritizing others’ needs. Learning to tolerate discomfort, such as setting boundaries or expressing your own needs, is an important part of healing from people-pleasing.

5. Practice self-compassion: It is important to be kind and compassionate to yourself throughout the healing process. Recognize that people-pleasing is a pattern that has likely developed over time, and that it will take time and effort to change.