The root of self sabotage and how you can stop this behavior.

Self-sabotage is the act of intentionally or unconsciously undermining one’s own goals and desires. It’s a pattern of behavior that can hold you back from reaching your full potential and achieving success in various areas of your life, including self-care, fitness, nutrition, and self-esteem.

Why it happens and Where it Stems From

There are several reasons why people engage in self-sabotage. Here are some  of the explanations:

1. Fear of Failure: Fear of failure is a common reason why people engage in self-sabotage. When individuals fear that they may fail, they may engage in behaviors that prevent them from trying or achieving their goals.

2. Fear of Success: Fear of success is also a reason why some individuals self-sabotage. They may fear that success will bring unwanted attention, criticism, or responsibility.

3. Low Self-Esteem: Individuals with low self-esteem may engage in self-sabotage to confirm their negative beliefs about themselves. They may believe they do not deserve success or happiness, and so they unconsciously sabotage their own efforts to achieve these things.

4. Past Trauma: Past traumas such as abuse, neglect, or other adverse experiences can contribute to self-sabotage. The effects of trauma can manifest in different ways, including anxiety, depression, and self-sabotage.

5. Unconscious Limiting Beliefs: Sometimes, individuals may self-sabotage without realizing it because of deeply ingrained beliefs that they hold. For example, a person who grew up with a belief that they do not deserve happiness or success may unconsciously engage in behaviors that sabotage their efforts to achieve these things

What it looks like:

Self-sabotage can manifest in many different ways and the signs and symptoms may vary from person to person. However, some common signs and symptoms of self-sabotage include:

1. Procrastination: Putting off important tasks, missing deadlines, and delaying progress towards your goals.

2. Negative self-talk: Engaging in negative self-talk and criticizing yourself for your shortcomings and failures.

3. Impulsive behavior: Making impulsive decisions that undermine your goals and well-being, such as engaging in unhealthy behaviors or making poor choices.

4. Perfectionism: Holding yourself to an impossibly high standard and setting unrealistic expectations that lead to self-criticism and disappointment.

5. Avoidance: Avoiding opportunities and experiences that could lead to personal growth and improvement.

6. Low self-esteem: Feeling unworthy, inadequate, or inferior to others, which can lead to self-doubt and insecurity.

What to do to stop self-sabotaging behaviors: 

Breaking the cycle of self-sabotage requires self-awareness and a commitment to making positive changes in your behavior. Here are some strategies to help you overcome self-sabotage and reach your goals.

1. Identify the behavior: The first step to stop self-sabotage is to identify the behaviors or patterns that are holding you back. Self-reflection and journaling can be helpful in recognizing the behaviors that are causing the problem.

2. Understand the triggers: Understanding the triggers that lead to self-sabotage can help you avoid or manage them more effectively. Triggers can be internal or external, such as stress, anxiety, or certain people or situations.

3. Challenge negative self-talk: Negative self-talk can reinforce self-sabotage. Therefore, it’s essential to challenge negative thoughts and replace them with more positive and realistic ones.

4. Create a plan: Setting goals and creating a plan can help you stay focused and motivated. When setting goals, make sure they are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART).

5. Seek support: Seek support from family, friends, or a therapist if necessary. Sometimes, talking to a professional can help you uncover the underlying causes of your self-sabotage and develop strategies to overcome it.

6. Practice self-care: Engage in activities that promote self-care and well-being, such as exercise, mindfulness, and getting enough sleep. 

7. Develop a growth mindset: Focus on the process of growth and learning, rather than the outcome.

8. Practice self-compassion: Be kind and understanding with yourself, and acknowledge your achievements and successes.

Remember, stopping self-sabotage is a process that takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself and celebrate small victories along the way.

Self-sabotage can be a major barrier to reaching your goals and improving your well-being. By identifying and addressing the root causes of self-sabotage and adopting a growth mindset, you can overcome self-sabotage and reach your full potential in self-care, fitness, nutrition, and self-esteem. With time, patience, and the right tools and support, you can achieve your goals and improve your overall well-being.

Here are six quick things you can do to begin to get to the root of what is going on.

Step 1- Ground yourself- it’s ok to feel uncomfortable (it’s not enjoyable but it is ok) welcome that you feel it wont get done perfectly, or it’s too overwhelming to start- give this thought pattern a name “Oh hey _____ you’re here again or I am about to do this again…” 

Step 2- Understand that the mind is the most powerful aspect of our existence- by procrastinating or not doing the thing it’s trying to keep you “safe” from some sort of story you have continuously told yourself- “I’m not good enough, I am not going to get there anyway why try..”

Step 3-  Talk to yourself- Tell yourself you’re going to go do whatever time blocked activity you have set out to do or is laid out on your calendar – just roll with me here. 

Step 4- Scan your body for tension and BREATHE- there’s so many ways to do this but for right now inhale through your nose for 4 counts and exhale for 4 counts- do this a few times until you’re not as tense. 

Step 4- Start to think about your thinking- When you see or feel the self sabotage happening simply ask yourself, “what do I believe about myself or this situation by not following through with _______”

Bonus tip Have a notebook for your thoughts – but you can easily do this in your mind without writing it down 

Step 5- Ask yourself, “What can I do to change this belief? 

Remember, identifying the root causes of self-sabotage can take time and effort. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you explore these patterns and work to develop strategies for change.